Vulgar amazingness

Today I fulfil the definition of my species as most would describe it. I can buy a gun or a bottle of bourbon. On this date my blog has become as straight as the bourbon that I am. I actually enjoyed my bottle, sip by sip.


Would you like to have a candy that will ruin your life? Those who pick the candy, at some point on this two-dimensional surface, have realised their very limited odds of losing compared to gaining. Once you realise that, you have reached a separate dimension of your being. That dimension exists in every one of us. It was only encapsulated before. You have gained not in a way that would make you a superhuman. I have met those too, incredible creatures indeed.

When I am throwing a party, I have a whole bagful of people, but they have one thing in common: they are all exceptionally open-minded. Some of them like to taste that candy, let it melt slowly. Some crunch it right away. The candy is a small packet of kindness. Unlike with shouting, you can yourself choose to enjoy the ruins of your past life or not. I feel oppressed to see someone adopted an identity of an authority figure looking at me like I was a mushroom lacking water.

Creative people stay creative. I have been financially frozen, arrested, and tested in that chronological order. My interference with my society causes instability. Some of my self-exploration arisen ideas are too impactful to be expressed publicly. I feel I am not able to write freely at this point. This journal has been an important part of my exploration journey. I will continue at another point. Everything I took an optimistic approach on was never personal. It was strictly business.

I started my blog with the radiation and the law with no frequency. I am not seeking opportunities of any kind today, yet am I richer in every way I could imagine.

Rainbow Valley

In Moominvalley a balance between the good and the evil resides. I used to admire Snork. I still do. Later I have met people who wanted to become astronomers or philosophers. They climbed to the hill in their home town like I did.

There is no point dividing resources for informing the general public about the tiny black holes emerging in the thick points of your laboratory. I learned to read and write after high school. That is not taught at any university either.

Zombie Berry ™

Our societies are built by the same entrepreneurs who found the most successful enterprises. If I wanted to be that highly useful engineer, someone would have to rebuild my society first. As you can see, I have already entered that ship.

If you did not quite understand what my log was all about, go to a grocery store. You probably knew there is a section for ice cream. You might be surprised how many different sorts of cream you will find. Next, get yourself a television.

It makes no difference which taste or amount of energy you choose. I started from about half a metre. That, however, is just a tiny window.

Personal reality check

( ) No reason to suspect. I'll go home with my wife.
( ) I'll solve this case. I just need more coffee.
( ) My co-workers cannot see my genius.
(X) Read it? We have always known.

Under a greenwood tree

I think living is

Between four seasons
With disco lights
Sounds o' life

Being a puddle
With no bubbles
It's alright

War, sounds a bit old

Some turn into a dogface,
And some other people fight against.

A white man apart,
Like a dead and bitter star.

The ocean of tulips,
And the fumelike one ounce green.

Wrote a line,
In the cloudy nite.
It was about this lead crystal rite.

The fairy,
Lends its tale,
For the instant messaging app.

Talk to some gentle people there,
Flowers in your hair!

Operation Enitnelav

“We have found the suspect, codename H 2.0!”

I have been asked whether there is nothing that would affright me. It is a brave thing to ask straight. I started facing things that bring the butterflies. Actually I am made of them. The fungus receives sugars, and the plant has its water. That is the way of life!

At some point my socioeconomic status will be at a stage where I can start building this world more like my dreams. I started from the bottom of this society. I can enjoy every obstacle I face. If no obstacles at all were on my path, I would be like a highly energetic, but at the same time, the most significant photon.

Go ahead and visualise a chap with fancy hair at CERN. He borrows a nuclear power plant to accelerate two atomic beams. Those beams are so high on energy they experience themselves to be inside a relativistic donut. It is almost illegal to bend the Newton’s laws that much. Now visualise one tiny photon having all that energy. You should be at the same wavelength with me. Keep reading!

Those laws brought a student to Finland. The world waves when she reads Vonnegut. It is a good way to widen one’s view. When I hear someone won a Noble prize in chemistry for researching small machines, I think he was allowed to work with his passion. He must have sacrificed something for such an impact. That book helped me understand the world around me making me a better human. In 1940s physicists did not read Vonnegut. They were aliens.

Homo sapiens near the campus area

There always exists an idea that is more profitable than a war. An idea like that is always worth a Noble prize. In my world communication is the key. Every day I try to have time to study something that does not relate to my own subject. Lately I have come to realise the essence of it, so I have taken more time aside. I am asked when I am going to finalise my degree.

In my field of expertise hashes play an important role. I have tried to understand the Head of Investigation’s way of thinking. I guess I have some clue thanks to my education. He spoke without light when I finally got him on the phone. My letter was lost in translation. He could learn what that everything means if he took time to open the book.

None of my friends who study law were familiar with hashes. Instead of putting intelligent plastic construction bricks together at the university, I spent my time with the grey lines of law. There is nothing exciting in just one shade of it, I can tell. Those lines made me see the self-colouring lines more alive.

I had to go as high as the Chancellor of Justice to find someone who would have the job in my place. He is a doctor of a totally different science than what I study. He has thousands of cases every year. Despite everything, we managed to find the common note. I printed my thoughts out of my BSD system and put a stamp with a picture of Sauli Niinistö on it.

I see a perfect landscape at a summer cottage in Finland, but the mosquitoes are thirsty. I could fill my water gun with lemonade or I could lock myself in sauna. I can see no other solution. It makes me sad to see people who would start randomly plugging off cables until the server stops pinging if they ever found its physical location.

Back in the army I met one private I will never forget. We shared countless of pots of black coffee like our grandfathers did. With his blue eyes he kept lecturing me about the perks of Nazism. He had a solution for every problem a man can face. He also had a solution for setting up an encrypted messaging system. No manual needed. I have to say he was one of the smartest guys I met there.

I have not seen the guy with the blue eyes ever since. If the Russ stopped collecting Finnish summer cottages altogether, we would be both given a pepper spray. I once experimented with that devil. I came to a conclusion that it does not help solving problems. No human would learn to love a sugar cube in a cup of antimatter coffee spontaneously. It is a defence.

It does not alter my state of mind if the gorilla standing in my living room has the coffee cup in his hand. If he manages to find a flash drive, it is all encrypted. Decrypting that without me would take a cosmological time. He looked at the hieroglyphs on my screen. He did not open his mouth anymore.

Creación de Adán

About something squared I cannot tell whether it was my inverse or not. Mother Nature is such a geek when she encapsulates her work. I lifted my right hand. He lifted his. My heart stopped for milliseconds before the touch. The tip of his finger would have had enough m to annihilate the whole Student Village. Then I felt his sweaty hand. I tried to count how many electrons possibly transferred through that organic electrolyte. We are made of the same matter. I am carrying some of his particles in my skin, but they have the same spin. He is mostly harmless.

A Japanese researcher found a way to produce syrup from corn. It was his gift to the rest of the world. Today I keep a bottle of soft syrup water in my refrigerator. I have something to offer if they come, something that makes them bubble too. I believe, deep down, the Head as well as all his gorillas were good. I remember I needed a mother, next someone to sit down for a drink with. Some stick with the first phase. There is nothing wrong with that. I would behave the same way if nobody except my mother sent me a Christmas card.

I keep paying taxes, so every being on this planet can keep filling their basket. Then they have no reason to come knocking on my door. If I had a religion, I would call that karma. I signed an address for basic income three years ago. Now I am seeing progress.

I learned to like the sound of cracking graphite. I have switched my beautiful Ludwig van to Sibelius. His portrait looks serious. Ludwig van calms down the worst storm diffracting to the doorway. Suddenly the gun starts feeling so-so heavy. Sibelius’s poems invite me to sharpen my pencil once more. I sign this letter, and the receiver has to correct his monocle.

I cannot afford speakers treated with Japanese whisky, but that is perfectly fine. I can truly love what I already have. It is really rare to see someone having time to stop for a moment and think what that means. I am happy as a photon. Superposition sounds like science fiction. I have had a chance to look in a microscope and through a telescope. Cyanobacteria for instance are talents what comes to turning E into m. I could do the same only on paper.

For the last century physicists have filled their fridges by finding solutions for breaking m back to E. I suggest we stop teasing our geek and see if we can get further than the Moon. If we cannot behave on this planet, we will end up spoiling every other astronomical resource as well. It is tough to choose which side of the exponent I would have as my wallpaper. They both represent the ancient and the future. However, one thing is sure: I would not mind spending all my time watching the little green man from Earth.

Life through Josef Reischig’s microscope

Cosmology was an interest of mine just a handful of light-seconds ago. Projects for finding ET have a $100 million budget. We can shoot lasers towards the sky. We could turn the whole Moroccan desert into solar panels. ET is probably figuring out something similar himself. Till this day our photons have been absorbed by interstellar dust.

One planet up there I can certainly call red. It is the next reasonable conquer. No existing society, so no conservative structures to limit creativity. No need for barbed wire and machine guns this time. I only see one ever-waving flag. It is a clean concrete wall for the nightly painter and nothing but the blue Martian sky to witness. That is my solution.

It sounds imaginary to find a start-up combining cryptographic hashes and a space probe. Imaginary suits me. Probability for success is way better than with the project ET. I used to look amused when I waited for the lecture to end. I could have impressed my professor while he was collecting his papers. Now I use that time for TeX. My impact is here. It may happen that in 2030 I can tell my grandma I succeeded. The secret is her glass is never half empty. Every feature is an opportunity.

I am thankful I have had a chance to interfere with all kinds of positively enriching caricatures. A stream of fresh carbonated water goes through my mind when I think of them. They have made this B movie a film noir. In this blog I have introduced the cynic, the therapist, the princess, and finally, the Sherlock of my life. Ending up in that list is a great compliment. You may have wondered why I wear sunglasses in the middle of the winter. I am the protagonist here. You are welcomed to my movie club.

Would you believe if I stated this reality fits in a matrix? The answer tells a lot about the person. Physics shaped my way of conceptualising, but my profession has no much deal with it. In a well-established society we should be able to afford a broad education. After the primary school I was encouraged to choose my subject. I picked natural sciences because I found them easy. Today I am no more intelligent I was back then, but I am a bit wiser.

Thanks to NASA Spitzer Space Telescope

My status is already at the needed level. People on average look in the mirror, but no matter what they wear, seem so single coloured inside. The atom heart mother ran out of rainbow stripes. I feel like opening the box, but it is safe in that box. I tend to say what we build starts from particles. I am seeding a terabyte every month. I do not need a server farm to have an impact. I recently opened a book describing the world around me through quanta. I wanted to know what it feels like seeing hieroglyphs.

When I was a small child I did not envision conquer. I just kept putting plastic bricks together. I am still small, and I say you are too. If you find yourself big, I wish you will send me a picture of you with Milky Way behind you. My contact information you will find hidden in numbers. If I did not reply, I was travelling. My mission is to find the last chrysanthemum. When I have found it, I will place it on my jacket lapel, climb on a mountain, and look towards the zenith. Wow!

Return of the engineer

I have always found it difficult learning a language. It all started 25 years ago. A tiny space capsule had to find its way to Jupiter. When I asked how it works, I was told a story about the bees and the flowers, a story of unconditional love. That story, in one form or another, he had heard from his parents. That story I will take with me.

I was delighted to hear that he had read my blog. He is currently drawing the big lines at the shipyard.
“Who’s that guy?”
“I don’t know, man. He just stares at his 2,750 cubic metres of pitch. He’s been here for a couple of months, I guess.”
“If he was any thinner, he wouldn’t exist”
“And if the radius approaches infinity, he can’t see the vortex.”
His belt I remember wearing ten years ago, still posh. He seemed ten years older after five years. Soon he would have more time than ever, and we should discuss the inheritance. Engineer to engineer he was talking about fair 1:1. Taxation was a subject of discussion too.

The big questions in life often have simple answers. I just had to ask someone wiser than me, someone with experience, on all strings of life. Now that I have the answers and have grown mentally, I shall take back what I have stated in my previous posts. 25 years ago I suffered from asphyxia, which might be the cause of my brain damage. Being taught to read before school was just a precaution so that I would be at the same level with the others. Sweet dive into blackness.

Sometimes when I had nothing else to do I stood by my window to conduct a statistical study of mine. It took approximately 45 minutes before someone entered the shop. Some of them walked right past, then turned around, and walked in. On my way home I stop to see if they have a new girl in the window. Usually I am so hungry that I simply have to keep going.

Five years ago, around midnight, someone was buzzing my buzzer. It was not the first time I had been woken up, so I went downstairs to see who it was. A stereotypical Finnish engineer was struggling to stand there. He was staring at the speaker, like he was hoping my face would appear on it, but we were not used to fixing things this side of the city. His face had a red glow of the lights on the opposite side of the street. That poetic moment is one frame in the comic strip in my mind. The elevator ride was eclectic. A bag of words fall like snow, free verse fall.

The opening pan from the son’s view at the end of the corridor is slowly zoomed into the glowing face of his father’s, a face that the merciless arctic winds have lashed while he has stood on the deck of his own creation. A tear flows on his cheek, freezing on its way down, but it is not a tear of passion. His heart is colder than the winter in the Arctic, or at least, it should be. He has a polar bear’s heart.

A swart chord in piano lingers on for a moment when the camera is focused on the neon sign on the opposite side of the street. The pedal is cleared gently like a feather: the pianist’s career highlight. This shot introduces the cold neon shade that is the only alive color on the washed out palette. A square root of a natural number is not a trick, but right now he suffers from painter’s colic.

Melancholic strings allow the viewer to swan into the engineer’s son’s direction to the other end of the corridor. No words are needed to depict this archetypal débâcle of a Finnish father-son relationship. Many readers of mine know exactly what the narrative is about, but I break the patterns.

The next few days were somehow empty. I used to pretend that it does not affect me. I do not do that anymore. The most honest people I have ever met were the ones I used to queue for my bread with, people with a natural smell. He had two jobs at the same time, and he slept only four hours a night. After that summer he bought his first car. I used to throw away bread. I used to fire a gun. One shot stops the movement, three eliminate the target. The four sexy rings make me colder.

Once upon a time, he belonged to a movie club. A humble plastic bag being blown in circles by the wind would crystallise the viewer’s ideals. It is a long time since I watched it last time, but this scene is still somehow stuck in the back of my mind. For some it is the bottom, for some the climax. It would show me the way when I need to make a wise decision.

When I was younger, he used to ask if I wanted dessert. He would have coffee anyway. The older you get the less plastic your mind gets. When the experience expires, you will be replaced. I want to have a place. I want to be his boss’s near genius son who had deprivation of nothing, and who looks at his watch and then looks at me. I want to be Harittu 2.0 who has higher tolerance for every irritation, and who is thinner, more muscular, and more efficient. I do not want to be an icy crystal, limited to the spectrum from red to violet.

Why would I bother carrying a thing with me that does nothing but ticks? It does not make me any faster, but it might cause me to miss a flight. They are wizards what comes to time, but they cannot bend the laws—the big questions of life. He can change his car to a wider one, he can fly business class, and he served in the army as well, but for me he is worth zero. I told him this was the last time we would meet. It was the last time I would see his expressionless face. I was superior to him. The camera pans out.

In the morning he has a microsleep at the traffic light. In the evening his inner voice is angry. In a consulting room the garden has no tree. In some other room, white walls and whiter coats around him. A loving family that once had white teeth surrounds him. I have to make my father proud! I have to… Would you pick a minor or a major is just a choice. The last frame is bright.

I feel like a dessert. Without him I would not be me, and that is the point. Everything in this reality we call life is defined through a price tag, and that fact will never change. How we perceive this reality, instead, can change. I like to study alternative ideologies, but they only give me perspective, not a solution. There is a time when you collect, and there will be time when you are just left holding the bag. I feel I have something in the bottom of my bag already. I feel…

Finnish engineer

Brand makes no difference,
Age-old i-something in his pocket,
Finnish engineer wears sandals and jeans.

He is good at his job,
But he swallows his pride,
His clients come from around the world,
His nation's flag symbolises water and snow.

Winter wind, polar darkness,
Ice breaker slipped,
The Prime Minister, engineer,
A depressing speech.

Employer has a private doctor,
Finnish engineer never goes to doctor,
The doctor, free lunch, with Pill Company,
Finished engineer swallows the pills.

Burning hot coffee,
World's Best Dad mug,
Hasn't time to wait it cool.

2.75 deciliters,
Exact amount of caffeine,
When it halves he takes more.

He doesn't wash the mug,
Flushes it like the past 20 years,
The pill makes him small,
Finds himself under wife's toe.

Soon spring still grey,
Finnish engineer lives his life,
Earns his five grand,
And lives his life.

You are my mirror

Narcissus by Caravaggio

I can see that some people think I am strange. Some of those who knew me before, and met me later, look like they wonder something dramatic happened to me. Questions, of course, would not arise to everyone. Most people do not have time to process them. My blog is for those that have. Only someone like me, an explorer, would end up here.

Being strange only means others do not know you. When they know, you stop being strange. Then you are just different or not so different at all. My mirrors have always been right about me. Something did happen.

In childhood I had to deal with high expectations. My mother taught me to read before I went to school, so I could later on focus on more important things. Unfortunately, it turned out I was not the next Ludwig van she so badly wanted me to be, so her narcissistic world shattered.

To prevent my mind from shattering as well I had to develop a mechanism to deal with my feelings. I tried to explain every feeling and vibration I had to myself, so I could work on them. I saw my mother was acting well, so I had no one to talk about her. None of my relatives would take it seriously. I had to be my own shrink.

My mother had phone conversations with my school friend’s mom. My friend’s mom started joking about my mother. I guess she found it ridiculous how my mother was so proud of her behavior psychology knowledge she used to apply on me. The jokes had earned their place for sure, but for me they were not really jokes. I was an experiment.

My parents did their duty, and took care of me until I was 18 years old. We were fine as long as I remembered to show a happy face during birthdays and Christmases. After that I was free to go. Luckily, they had another child that would have the crown in case the other fails. Today there is no space for me in their idyllic family album.

At some point I belonged to a wolfpack. It had all elements of it: a burly alpha, beta, omega, and so on. When I left home, I had no one else. I was afraid, that without my pack, I would become a lonely wolf. The wolfpack offered me security, but in exchange I had to be in line with it. That was not what I really am, but I did not recognise it back then.

Everything I did was to satisfy my need to strictly follow the social norms. I did so called normal things, like drinking heavily on weekends, to avoid disapproval. That need originated during my childhood. I was a clockwork version of me.

One evening when I was out with the wolfpack, I met a very clever fox. With that fox I felt I could deeply connect and I had my first platonic conversation. The discussions later on led me to what I am today. As I changed, I did not have many things in common with the wolfpack anymore, and I was sorry to leave. The members of the wolfpack were my mirrors in my small world, and I am thankful for each one of them.

When I managed to turn off the survival mode, I found out that there was a small human inside of me. I could feed him with nutritious thoughts, and let him grow mentally. Today that human is about the size of me. It can approach the whole fraction, but there will always be something on its way. Our circumstances can never be free of some infinitesimal uncertainty.

I know that many families have their problems. It is common that stoic Finnish fathers move their traumas to their children, usually with alcohol. Each individual has their own scale for their experiences, so I cannot compare whether my situation was better or worse than what someone else had to deal with.

It is also important to note that a typical defense mechanism is to question: who would not have problems, others’ problems must be worse than mine. In other words, we have to knowledge that whatever the problem was, it is never too small for you to have the right to make noise of it.

My father would find me weak after hearing soft talk like that. Focusing on emotions leads to feminine characteristics, or worst case, homosexuality. It is a father’s duty to guide his son into the right direction during the strategic moments of identity formation. He used to accept my mother’s methods simply saying “you will thank us when you are a little older”. Back then I knew I would never thank them.

Thankfully, my personality is far from my mother’s. I and my father instead were made of same ingredients, but stirred different ways. He is forced to ignore his monsters. They have grown eating joy from him. I can see that those monsters will continue until there is nothing else left than bitterness, and it has gone far already. My mother gets great satisfaction from the power she gains in the situation.

By writing this blog I am fulfilling the purpose of my human. I hope someone who is in a similar situation I used to be in, finds courage to leave toxic people behind and a key to open his or her locks. Opening our locks is a difficult thing to do as our subconscious is trying to protect us from finding them in the first place. They are there to help us cope with our current situation. Once opened, it is surprising to see how much they actually affected our relationships, cognitive capability, and everything in daily life.

I have now planted an idea in your mind. It will grow if it has a purpose for you. Or perhaps that was just my subconscious attempt to give me value. I will never know.

I guess that’s enough of stream of consciousness for some time. Thank you for being my mirror, and please come again!

Three colors

We are born free to explore every corner of our world.

We are all the same; we belong to the same nature.

We live by deep water. We did not know what lied underneath.

Love lacking entity found a way to interfere with us.

It was not meant to exist in our reality. It could not last.

The experience brought us far from the boundaries of humanity.

It was to show the amount of energy people with love can achieve.

It washed our eyes. We can see clearer now.

It showed us what is important. We are one family.

We have just found our philosophy. We will stand united.

The strength we gained, will take us through centuries.

Welcome to the machine

2001: A Space Odyssey

Every so often, when I am playing with my computer, a why goes through my being. The why arises from the fundamental difference between me and my friend: it has an ability to generate random numbers.

I remember when I was a cashier at a grocery store. There I was able to predict more than 90 % of the events. He is going to drink the takeaway coffee while still at store, and pay for it afterwards. She is going to greet me saying “hejssan”, even though she otherwise speaks Finnish and not Swedish. But the black swan always appears when I least expect—when it’s five minutes to closing and I have already counted the money and closed the desk, or when I believe I have earned a break—always surprising. Our every thought and action is inherited from one primal seed and only altered by our experiences. When we are exposed to this weird radiation, we feel confused, as we cannot generate truly random numbers.

Similarly, when I turn on an old analog television, I see and hear noise. It is caused by events at the beginning of our universe that the receiver is now capturing as microwaves. As it is something we cannot produce, it looks and sounds interesting, or even calming, being something that human needs.

Also societies need it to work flawlessly. There is an example from as far as ancient times: the Athenian democracy, where a lottery was used to select officeholders. From this we have evolved to employing Turing machine implementations that we can today assign our deepest secrets to, up to the governmental level, and they will be safe, unless someone who already has the information, leaks it.

It reforms our economies. Due to widespread automation and other factors, increase in unemployment does not anymore correspond to the decrease of gross national product, as stated in 1962 by the Okun’s law, which is still used as the basis for economic models. Realizing this will make people change their opinions about having no job. The younger generation has already adapted to it. The generation of sixties might think it is insurgency, but instead, it is simply a new way of thinking.

In the long term, this permanent change leads to a situation where only a fraction of population is needed to work, to maintain the systems, and artificial intelligence will take a greater responsibility. Our devices are already forming networks, chips are implanted to human and a DNA computer is entertaining us playing tic-tack-toe, coming close to intuition. The discussion of AI surpassing human has transformed from a science fiction to an educated debate. Inevitably we will give the control to algorithms only, but there is no reason to worry about it: so far, machine has freed us from physically hard or self-repeating work. It has given us a possibility to use our time for something more constructive, to improve our own capabilities, physical or mental.

The problem resides on one basic characteristic of human. We are prone to resist change, especially when it comes to playing God. A classic example from our revolutionizing world is the genetic engineering. A while ago, I was listening how a dear friend of mine was anxious about genetically modified products entering the market. I told him how we have managed to get rid of pesticides, make rice produce beta-carotene to prevent anemia, enable an industrial production of insulin and eliminate familial diseases, all as an achievement of genetic engineering. With the help of these good examples, humanity is slowly starting to accept the change. On AI we do not yet have similar experiences, and therefore, to many, it sounds scary.

Chaos, God or whatever created us did not make us perfect. Instead, it gave us the power to create. Thanks to this, we now have WordPress, encyclopedias and all kind of archives full of papers and more than we can read appearing every day. While you are reading this, some bot is scanning through that everything, learning all the time. Data mining produces lots of data, but without human it has no meaning. As intuitive beings our task is to create ideas based on this data and our experience, giving humankind a value. And that’s what this blog is about, so welcome to the machine.